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| tygerbug |
| Posted: Mar 25 2004, 10:26 PM |
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NEW RADIO MAN STANDUP ACT VIDEO
RADIO MAN STANDUP #6
"RADIO MAN IS A POET"
http://orangecow.org/videos/radiomanpoet.rm
I have performed onstage as Radio Man three times since I last actually posted a video of it here ... I also performed onstage as myself once.
Here is, in short, what happened each time.
Radio Man standup performance #4 -- you may recall that performance #2 didn't really happen since Alexia, the young lady who runs the Groundzero open mike nights and who has decided to make herself, basically, my arch nemesis, didn't let me perform ... kicking me off the stage in punishment for what I did during my first performance. In performance #3, she almost didn't let me onstage, but I went up onstage without pants. These performances are located in video form in old issues of FF, at this site of course.
Performance #4, I do have a videotape of, but I never posted it online. It's not especially brilliant. #3 had been scripted (material originally written for the ill-fated Jay Bauman film Indulgence), but this one, I was just winging it as usual. Radio Man was a motivational speaker this time, trying to get everyone to visualize that they were a very fast spirit animal ... Sonic the Hedgehog. He tried to get everyone to run in place. His voice sounded a little off and he said "man" a lot, like a hippie.
Alexia actually gave me props that time round, strangely enough. She did cut my performance short but I was running out of steam anyway. She got up onstage and said that maybe I'd be the "next Lenny Bruce or something." An odd thing to say. Then, as a gesture of friendship between enemies, she raised her fist in the air and gave me a black power salute.
Verrry odd.
Those of you who were at Camp FF3 saw this video.
After the show, an odd, attractive, dangerously insane freshman girl named Lisa Bendelstein came up to me, said she liked the show, and invited me up to her apartment. We went out for about two weeks before I got sick of her insanity and general non-smart-ness.
On a monday in january, the day Camp FF4 ended (right after Lisa and Margie left), I did my first and last solo stand-up show at Groundzero.
This was not an open mike ... I had booked Groundzero myself and was performing solo. I was also NOT performing as Radio Man. I wore a snappy outfit, including a checked jacket given to me by Rich Evans. My shirt matched the jacket.
That jacket.
Unlike Radio Man, which is more of a character act, I did actual jokes. There were very few people in attendance. 10 at the most. Most of them walked out as the act went on. And on. The first two walkouts were two black girls who thought I was racist. It was Martin Luther King Jr. day and I decided to honor this special occasion by telling a story called "Martin Luther King Jr. Visits the Duck Planet." When I began impersonating the late great Dr. King, the two young ladies went into an awful coughing fit, like they'd just been shot, and ran out of the coffeehouse.
The rest of the audience walked out when the act just went on too damn long.
I performed for ... how long, I don't know. 70 minutes I think. Insanely long, with very few laughs from a very small audience. Almost no laughs. It was like death.
By the end, I was performing for only three people, plus my two stalwart cameramen, Jason and Jesse.
The three people in the audience were stalwart friends Amy Mehlhorn and Jeremy Benjamin (Amy attended Camp FF4, and Jeremy has attended all of my Groundzero shows) ... and a girl I didn't know who was sitting with Jeremy.
Uh ....
Yeah.
I have a videotape of the performance. I actually think the material was fairly funny, and might make a decent audio CD or something. I worked hard on writing it .... but failed at delivering it due to sheer length mostly. Jason refuses to talk about that night. Jesse said the following about it:
"His standup went about as well as a clan meeting in compton.
He was a dead duck.
About 6 or 7 walk outs (out of about 13 people)."
Those interested in seeing/hearing footage of this crap can contact me.
Anyway ...
It took me a while to get up the nerve to perform again.
Well, maybe not. There was a Groundzero open mike right after that, and I came up with an act that Radio Man was running for governor of California, with his running mate, a My Little Pony named Pinkie Pie. Jason came with me.
Due to an overwhelming number of people who wanted to perform that night, we were turned away at the door. We didn't get to perform. Instead, we got drunk and "performed" loud nonsensical improvised songs in the Pardee Tower lounge. Performing for nobody. I wore Jason's jacket, he wore mine. We got drunk and depressed.
When I finally got to perform the Radio Man runs for governor act, Jason didn't show up. I gave the camera to one of Jeremy's friends, Howard (I told you Jeremy always shows up to the open mikes. He even appears in this video I just posted). Howard thought there was something wrong with the camera, and couldn't get it to work. There was nothing wrong with the camera.
Therefore, I have NO VIDEO RECORDING OF:
Radio Man Standup performance #5.
My hair was long at this point, I really felt like Radio Man. The lights at Groundzero had been turned on VERY bright and the second I got up onstage I was BLIND and completely confused. My mind stopped working. I mostly just tried to cover and shield my eyes from the blinding lights. It was horrible. I rambled on about how blind I was for a little while. Then I tried to get into the actual Governor act. NOBODY WAS LAUGHING. NOBODY WHATSOEVER. I started to get worried, to freak out. I was stuck in a long, purposely unfunny spiel where I include as many Arnold Schwarzenegger movie titles as possible in a couple sentences' space.
I was just about to start my real act, the meat of my joke material ...
when Alexia comes up to the stage. Alexia. My nemesis.
And she says my time is up.
I thought I had just started. I hadn't started my act yet. She claims ten minutes have passed already. I don't believe her.
I want to keep performing. I know I'm screwed at this point.
She gets up onstage.
Then, I make a decision.
That I hope will actually get me laughs, since she's FUCKED MY ENTIRE ACT already.
This decision is this:
I REFUSE TO VACATE THE STAGE.
She gets up and announces the next performer, but Radio Man isn't leaving.
My joke is: that since I'm running for governor (like Arnold), I am big and strong (like Arnold) and can kick anyone's ass (like Arnold).
I pick a fight with her.
She refuses to fight me.
Then she calls this huge guy.
This, like, bouncer guy.
Looks like he weighs about 500 pounds.
He comes up onstage.
She says, fight him.
And then he grabs me ... and physically drags me off the stage and pushes me off.
I jump and scream and make it seem like he's crushing me, throwing me off the stage. I make it look worse than it is, in hopes of getting a laugh.
Madness.
They fucking threw me off the stage.
That is, by the way, how few laughs I got. How badly I bombed. That they threw me off the stage.
I have no video of this. Later, Howard made me perform my entire act for him, the act I didn't get to perform. He thought it was pretty funny.
As I was walking out for some fresh air, I turned to Alexia and said "you're going down."
Later, she came up to me (with the big bouncer guy) and asked me if I was genuinely threatening her, if she was actually in danger. I laughed my ass off and said, look at me. I can't threaten anyone. I told her just to promise not to throw me off the damn stage next time. Just to let me do the act. She pinkie swore not to throw me off the stage UNLESS I WENT OVERTIME. Which isn't swearing to anything. Because she claimed I was overtime tonight. What a bitch. I showed her my pony running mate, Pinkie Pie, which I didn't get to use in my act since I was rudely interrupted. She LOVED Pinkie Pie. She LOOOOVES My Little Ponies, and oohed and aahed and gushed over Pinkie Pie, running off with the poor pony.
She went up onstage and made this speech --
"Um, if you're planning on voting for Radio Man, which I think you should, I thought you'd like to meet Radio Man's running mate .... this is Pinkie Pie. Okay. Yeah. Our next performer .."
Something like that.
Later in the night, someone else made a joke that he was going overtime, and I yelled a quick joke about how he should get thrown off the stage. The bouncer guy came up and threw the guy off the stage as a joke.
Yep.
ANYWAY ...
RADIO MAN STANDUP PERFORMANCE #6
"RADIO MAN IS A POET"
http://orangecow.org/videos/radiomanpoet.rm
This is the video you've hopefully already downloaded.
This was NOT an open mike performance. So, I can't blame my failure on Alexia this time.
It was part of a school sponsored Talent Show. This show was put together by Daniel Garcia (who appears at the beginning of the video clip) .... he's the Performing Arts director for USC's program board.
He had never seen my act, but booked me to be the second act, right after the opening band. I gave him some photos of myself as Radio Man, and a long writeup which appeared in the program given out that night. It contained plugs for orangecow.org and ffrevolution.com, and a description of my disastrous solo performance.
This was the poster.
Note the pic of me.
A huge full-color version of this poster was posted everywhere on campus ... every poster kiosk on campus was wallpapered with them. Some had yellow backgrounds, some had red backgrounds like the one above. I saved a yellow backgrounded one. There were hundreds and hundreds of posters up. This was gonna be big.
A full-page ad, using this same poster, appeared in that day's Daily Trojan. I've had no less than three people come up to me saying they saw my picture on that ad and knew I was performing. One of these people came to the show ... Ben from my sitcom class.
The turnout was huge.
The place was packed.
On the bill were a lot of very respected bands.
And one other standup comedian, Brett Siddell. Who I had seen once when he was drunk. He was pretty bad. He's better sober.
Best of all, there was free food.
Subway sandwiches, lots of them. And free pizza. Pepperoni and sausage. Bottled water. And this "vitamin water" .. lemon and punch flavored ... tastes like the bug juice you'd drink at summer camp. Which isn't really a bad thing when you're thirsty.
I didn't know if Jason would show up, but he did!
This is a good sign. Whenever Jason doesn't show up to my shows, I get thrown off the stage. Every time. It's happened twice so far.
Anyway, I was going on so soon that I hardly had time to get stage fright.
Jeremy Benjamin showed up. You'll see him at the very end of this video. He always shows up to these Groundzero events. He's a GZ devotee and a good man.
I ate a lot of pizza and finally got stage fright.
The band finished, and there was this awkward silence. Should I go up onstage?
Daniel Garcia talked to me .... said I could go up now while the band was clearing their stuff away, or wait until they were done.
I wandered up onstage. You won't see this in the video. I just stumbled around looking confused, walked across the stage, and walked off.
The band was still taking their stuff down. Very odd to have these gaps between performers.
My hair was too short for Radio Man ... I had grown a thin beard to compensate.
The band members noticed me backstage, realized I was a standup comedian, said that was cool, that it took guts, asked my name, shook my hand. Weird to get that attention.
Daniel wanted me to go onstage, but I'm used to Alexia introducing me.
So I just asked him to introduce me.
He came up onstage, and nobody noticed. You won't see this on the online version of the video either. He waved, to try and get people's attention. He pointed to himself. He pointed to the mike. Nobody noticed. People talked amongst themselves in the audience. They would keep talking amongst themselves as I performed. You'll hear it in the video.
Finally, Daniel announced me. He announced me as Garrett GilCHRIST .... mispronouncing my name.
He did this twice.
Anyway, I went up onstage.
My act was one I'd slapped together the night before .... something I'd had the general idea for for many months. I'd wanted to do a Radio Man as poet act. I thought of this act immediately after the No Pants act, while walking home. A reference to it even appeared in the long solo show. Finally, I was doing it.
I did it poorly.
The audience didn't respond to me at all. The lights weren't blinding this time, but they just weren't connecting with me or noticing me at all. There were no laughs really. Maybe a couple. There was a boo at one point. Mostly a lot of awkward silence and people talking amongst themselves and ignoring me.
I had a lot of material, more than you'll see in this video, but I cut it short before performing it all, figuring I might as well quit before they lynched me.
I'm not sure how to get these people's attention when my pants are on.
...
Tell me if you think I was funny or not, even if they didn't.
There's also a clip in this video of after the show. Jason shooting some footage of me and Jeremy talking. Jason told me that a girl standing next to him told him that she was bothered by the non-response to my act ... she said I was underappreciated. "What's wrong with those people? This guy is funny. Why aren't they laughing?"
Which is high praise really.
It just proves once again .... CHICKS DIG THE RADIO MAN.
I should have spoken to her, and had a crappy two-week relationship before getting sick of her.
Yeah.
I think guys just don't laugh because they're jealous of how chicks dig the Radio Man. Jealous of the hold Radio Man has over the vagina.
Yep.
Also: He-Man.
Anyway, I got free food, so this performance was still awesome.
What I learned? Try desperately to connect with the audience. Overdo it until you're certain they're paying attention.
As always, feedback is appreciated.
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http://orangecow.org
"If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now build the foundations under them." - Henry David Thoreau
"An unexamined life is not worth living." - Socrates |
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| Will Tasker |
| Posted: Mar 25 2004, 11:16 PM |
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The term Radio Man reminds me of that badass Chemical Bros video "Get Yourself High"
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What do I know of cultured ways, the gilt, the craft, and the lie?
I, who was born in a naked land and bred in the open sky.
The subtle tongue, the sophist guile, they fail when the broadswords sing;
Rush in and die, dogs--I was a man before I was a king. |
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| firetruck |
| Posted: Mar 25 2004, 11:21 PM |
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poet more like POOet am i rite
will report back after i have gained the willpower to read all that
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People who can read are pretentious.
BARTLET
This guy was a hack! He had a captive audience!
And the way I know that is that I tried to tunnel out of there several times. |
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| Stoklasa |
| Posted: Mar 26 2004, 12:19 AM |
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TLDR
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"Anything perfect must be lying. Anything easy has its cost.
Anyone plain can be lovely. Anything Loved can be lost" |
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| Basil Destiny |
| Posted: Mar 26 2004, 12:36 AM |
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What the fuck?
Radio Man giving head? He can't have any kind of sex.
He didn't seem as retarded or awkward as I last remembered him. I like him retarded. With Deejay. I guess even Radio Man has to grow up.
His poetry was great and I liked his lame jokes.
I hate "am I rite?". |
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| tygerbug |
| Posted: Mar 26 2004, 01:39 AM |
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Giving head? That wasn't Radio Man saying that at the end, that was me.
More retarded?
Gotcha.
(writes this down)
I miss Deejay, but he's moved on to other things. Kinda like Conan and Andy Richter.
I haven't listened to any of those old FF Radio eps in forever. I'm sure Radio Man was much different then. Yeah. Ah well.
If memory serves, Radio Man WAS having the sex round the time of episode 11 (Voyage Through Time).
Creepy, eh?
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http://orangecow.org
"If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now build the foundations under them." - Henry David Thoreau
"An unexamined life is not worth living." - Socrates |
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| Basil Destiny |
| Posted: Mar 26 2004, 02:15 AM |
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Creepy = Radio Man?
Oh, well if that YOU then why don't you give head? Gag reflex? I can understand that.
I don't know if he needs to be more retarded or not. I've missed the live or nearly live performances. I have missed part of Radio Man's evolution. 
He just seemed not quite as awkward as I was expecting. He's probably grown up and I've missed it! |
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| tygerbug |
| Posted: Mar 26 2004, 02:36 AM |
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Once a Radio Boy ....
now he is a radio MAN.
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http://orangecow.org
"If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now build the foundations under them." - Henry David Thoreau
"An unexamined life is not worth living." - Socrates |
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| tygerbug |
| Posted: Mar 26 2004, 02:38 AM |
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Listening to old FF Radio episodes.
Radio Man was better then.
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http://orangecow.org
"If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now build the foundations under them." - Henry David Thoreau
"An unexamined life is not worth living." - Socrates |
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| tygerbug |
| Posted: Mar 26 2004, 06:48 AM |
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http://orangecow.org
"If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now build the foundations under them." - Henry David Thoreau
"An unexamined life is not worth living." - Socrates |
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| tygerbug |
| Posted: Mar 26 2004, 07:02 AM |
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OH MY GOD HE MAN IS SO TOTALLY GAY
sex
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http://orangecow.org
"If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now build the foundations under them." - Henry David Thoreau
"An unexamined life is not worth living." - Socrates |
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| Basil Destiny |
| Posted: Mar 26 2004, 10:11 AM |
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I'm not looking at those coloring books. They frighten me. He-man, just say no!!
Garrett, how come your name is so difficult? |
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| tygerbug |
| Posted: Mar 26 2004, 02:20 PM |
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Everything about me is difficult.
Except this: 
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http://orangecow.org
"If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now build the foundations under them." - Henry David Thoreau
"An unexamined life is not worth living." - Socrates |
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| wrenny |
| Posted: Mar 26 2004, 05:05 PM |
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as usualways i enjoyed this more than i intended to.
the selfawareness and embracement of your awkward pseudofailure elevates you above your unresponsive audience.
i think radio man would be far less enjoyable when seen "live".
the key appeal may be the fact that we know you survived the performance to post it online.
also, that she-ra bit was magic.
you are no andy kaufman's mom was also magic.
comparing your humor to that red head's non humor was also a bit sobering.
you need to plant many people in the audience who will catalyze laughter. or totally attack you.
berp.lahp.ee.
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"Nor could I ever after see the world as I had known it. Mixed with the present scene was always a little of the past and a little of the future..." -hpl |
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| Basil Destiny |
| Posted: Mar 26 2004, 07:25 PM |
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Yeah. You should buy Warren a plane ticket and plant him in the audience. That makes me laugh already.
And I did thoroughly enjoy the poetry. I forgot to mention that part. She-ra was great! |
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| Will Tasker |
| Posted: Mar 26 2004, 07:48 PM |
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--------------------
What do I know of cultured ways, the gilt, the craft, and the lie?
I, who was born in a naked land and bred in the open sky.
The subtle tongue, the sophist guile, they fail when the broadswords sing;
Rush in and die, dogs--I was a man before I was a king. |
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