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New Article: Never Let Warren Blyth Shoot Your Wedding Video
Okay, that's not technically the title of the article, but you've got to admit, it's good advice. In Making Money
as an Amateur Video Artist - Volume 1 : The Prestigious Wedding Video, our own Warren Blyth (of Oregon's Bravado/Funeral Home Entertainment) discusses the circumstances on which he wound up shooting a wedding video for 50 bucks ... and how, after a year of sitting on the footage not doing anything with it, the bride and groom are about to get what they paid for. Shooting wedding videos is often noted as a way for the low-end videographer to make some money. But when you're only making 50 bucks off the deal, or even making 500, maybe it isn't all it's cracked up to be. From creepy little ring-bearer kids glaring at you, to the rear ends of 80 year old women, to the groom looking nervous as hell, it's all there in all its uncomfortable glory .... in Warren Blyth's Making Money
as an Amateur Video Artist - Volume 1 : The Prestigious Wedding Video.
Great Threads in Fastforward Forum History!
Hi. Peter Jackson here. Not many know this, but Fastforward has a "Great Threads" directory where since this site debuted two years ago I've been saving threads from our forums that seemed worth saving. This used to be just lame unfunny fights from other sites. But this week we've got a great bunch of stuff from the REAL Fastforward Forum .... Full of bad jokes, forum posters masquerading as famous people, and Photoshop fun. We'll be having even more of this later. Still, for now, dig these classics:
"Where is David Ashe?" (Cate Blanchett wants him and Miranda Otto has the One Ring) Starring David Ashe as Cate Blanchett, George Lucas and the Fake Miranda Otto, Garrett Gilchrist as everyone else, and Warren Blyth as the Orcs. "Lara Croft conducts the London Symphony Orchestra" Photoshop craziness by Garrett as video game characters go into singing. And singers save the world.
"Stupid Catwoman of the day" Wanker Garrett discusses Dead or Alive volleyball and Dave Ashe discusses Vampire Batman. "Radio Man Live" The incredibly true story of Radio Man's first live performance.
"Radio Man Kicked Offstage" Radio Man's unsuccessful second performance. And don't forget to visit the Fastforward Forum ... the forum so hip it can't see below its waist. Christ, I'm fat.
New Book: The Tao of Cow
Our own Garrett Gilchrist has recently made his first book, "The Tao of Cow," available online. "The Tao of Cow" is a book of sixty unrhymed philosophical poems, told from the point of view of a cow. Ah, and now you're asking - is this a joke? What sort of philosophy could a cow possibly have to give? Quite a bit, as it happens ... the cow teaches of a life simply and contentedly lived, in harmony with nature. In ten chapters, the happy cow meets a weary man on the road of life, and attempts to free his mind until the man can see where true happiness lies. It may free your mind as well ... the book has a calming effect, good for the stressed filmmaker ... and a good gift for family. The spiral-bound, 102-page, fully-illustrated paperback book is available for $9.59 ... Garrett makes no profit off of this, he just wanted to make the book available. It was originally written when he was younger and much less jaded, and it has a lot of meaning to him today. He hopes you'll enjoy it. If you're at all interested, please head over to www.cafeshops.com/taoofcow to order.
Webmaster Has Nothing To Put In This Space
Lazy-ass FFrevolution.com webmaster Garrett GIlchrist found himself with nothing to put into an important, prominent spot on his front page tonight, as weeks and weeks of putting less and less effort into making the front page content actually be decent, and more and more effort into editing his stupid movie that nobody cares about, resulted in him deciding that he would rather leave the space blank than take the hour and a half or however long it would take to actually come up with some decent material to put in the space. He has had quite a bit of material on backlog to put in the front page space for some time now, including an interview with Jay Bauman (and accompanying redone Pervert Goes Home trailer) that he has literally been sitting on doing nothing with for months and months and months. Rather shocking really. This website, as well as Garrett's other website, Orangecow.org,
has been sitting there just gathering dust for months now because Garrett is too goddamn lazy to upload anything to it. How lazy is that? I mean, Jesus Christ it's just sitting there. In closing, Garrett is a jackass and deserves to be horribly alone and not getting laid and forced to edit movies nobody else cares about alone in silence for the rest of his life. Wait, what? Did I type that? Guys what's going o
New Article by Roscoe Gortsky! New article! Our staff writer Roscoe Gortsky has been keeping us updated on breaking news behind the scenes for some time now. But since Roscoe is a graduate of the journalism program at Florida State University, he doesn't follow underground film news, he follows regular news, mainly about the war in Iraq. Roscoe thinks that FF should carry real news about what's going on in the world, and today I'm humoring him. Here we are then, a news article about the war in Iraq, by Roscoe Gortsky.
Another Roscoe Gortsky Article: It's Rally Time! New Article! Our staff news writer Roscoe Gortsky reported earlier this week on the war in Iraq. But here he comes with news from the home front. Roscoe is our most serious news reporter, rarely reporting on anything smaller than a full scale war, so if I tell you he's reporting about the effects of a store brand soft drink, you better believe that soft drink is having some large-scale effects! But don't take my word for it - check out this news bulletin: It's Rally Time! by Roscoe Gortsky.
UPDATE 3-25-03: Roscoe has reported in again with new breaking news on the Rally Cola situation. More on this story as it develops.
It's the Lisa Renley Interview Experience!
She's played a self-mutilating love junkie, a flipper baby, and a girl dressed as Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz (for no reason). She's our favorite leading lady of the off-center and strange. She's Lisa Renley, longtime onetime star for Milwaukee's home of controversial comedy, Blanc Screen Cinema, and she was kind enough to sit down with Garrett Gilchrist for one hella honest and funny interview, where in three parts you'll find out more about Lisa than is probably healthy to know. Find out why she wants to throw a slumber party for amateur comedy. Find out why she can't watch her own movies. Find out why she's gladly going to hell. Find out about the soon-to-be-released Clowns and Suicide .... and the movie she's working on now, which isn't Blanc Screen, and it's a drama. There are a lot of surprises in this interview, folks. Dig it. The Lisa Renley Interview Experience.
New Writer: Donald Washington!
We are always pleased to welcome new voices into our community. Certainly a different perspective on filmmaking can be gained from listening to an educated voice. Donald Washington is not a filmmaker, but he is a film enthusiast. A father of two and former lieutenant in the United States military, Donald has been a fan and supporter of our site and wished to chime in. Today he checks in with his with his opinion on the four aspects that make up a good film, with his article "The Poetics of Amateur Cinema." Enjoy.
New Donald Washington Article: How to Be Creative!
Two articles from Donald Washington in as many weekends! The man is prolific, I must say. He wrote me tonight thanking all of you here at FF for complimenting his first article. He was worried about it, and your strong positive reaction has encouraged him. So here he comes with a new article, How to Be Creative. Mr. Washington is a former government worker and military officer, the father of two, and has unofficially lectured at schools about the state of law enforcement in the public sector today.
New Article by David Ashe!
David Ashe attacks without mercy today. He's given us a new article, Use of "Real - Reel" Pun Opens Gates to Hell. It's action-packed excitement for the whole family. Mr. Ashe is indeed one powerfully amusing writer - oh my god he's too powerful he's killing everyone aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!
Interview: Jason Santo talks to Mike Stoklasa!
Or, as I call it, Best. Interview. Ever. Here's the official story I'm going with, which is probably a lie. A bit back, Mindscape Pictures' Jason Santo began a series of interviews at that other site, interviewing me and then Mike Stoklasa. In Stoklasa's inimitable style, he made the interview so dark, bitchy and strange that Santo decided never to run it. The interview passed into obscurity, and legend. However, I ran across a blind one-armed pirate who was running a liquor store in San Bernardino. He held in his hand a withered scroll and told me that this was the fabled interview, and that for five gold pieces he would sell it to me. I didn't have five gold pieces, so I hit him with a rock and took it from him. Running away, I quickly scanned the contents and post it here for you. This is highly unauthorized, and both parties would have my pirate head for posting this here, but ARRRR, I say to them! ARRRR! Have at ye! A pirate dies fighting! A pirate dies drinking! Here is, apparently, the lost Interview Between Jason Santo and Mike Stoklasa. Unless of course it isn't. And if you haven't read the original interview, where Santo talked to me, check it out, it's kind of interesting and might tell you a bit more about why I made this site (the interview was done shortly before this site launched). The Mad Orange Cow: Garrett Gilchrist Interview.
Interview: Warren Blyth talks to Alan Winston!
Here's the interview. Here's my writeup: After having spent his growing years creating hours and hours of entertainment on his local tv series Delusions of Grandeur, Alan Winston seemed to find himself as a filmmaker just as his show was coming to an end. Often noted as one of the most promising talents in the underground film world, the Bravado Entertainment founder has managed to launch the film dreams of many others, inspiring spinoff companies - Jenn and Kshawn Edgar's Junk Productions and Warren Blyth's Funeral Home Entertainment. However, his own work to date has left critics unsure. Is Alan creating ambitious, funny, dark, genre-bending, popular-culture-commenting great television, or just an incomprehensible gobbledygook of inside jokes no one on earth understands but him and his Bravado cohorts? Here at Fastforward we like to piss off both sides, so I'd like to say both. And in the spirit of that, we present the ultimate inside interview, as Alan's frequent collaborator Mr. Warren Blyth gives us two installments of In-Depth Inside Interview with Alan Winston: Questions of Grandeur. Enjoy, or just stare at it looking confused. I wouldn't have it any other way, either way.
The Jedi 6 Interview: Warren Blyth beats up Alan Winston! It was supposed to be a normal, standard-issue sort of promotional interview for Alan Winston. He was there to talk about the film he's working on now, The Jedi 6, with his old friend and crewmember, Warren Blyth. But Alan had forgotten one thing: Warren is insane. Dangerously insane. And Warren was determined to make this something other than an ordinary promotional interview. It's the Jedi 6 Sellout Bitchfest! Watch as Alan does his best to promote his new movie like a normal filmmaker, while Warren acts less than impressed, says some peculiar things and generally tries to depress Alan in an effort to get more interesting answers out of him. The result is an interview that will tell you all you need to know about The Jedi 6, but will also surprise and confuse you. So, here it is .... Warren Blyth vs Alan Winston - The Jedi 6 Interview.
Alan and Dean Feiss I received an article in the mail from one Alan Feiss, a German academic who seems very passionate about movies ... actually I have no idea what he's talking about in this article, but I've posted it anyway. I Do Not Think Only I Marmonne (by Alan Feiss). There's more - shortly after I posted this article, I got a letter from Alan's brother Dean. I couldn't really tell, but I think he was angry at Alan over some of the content in that article. Dean sent me his own impassionedly-written article: Image D'Un Chapeau (by Dean Feiss). A couple of days later, Dean seemed VERY angry but had something to say about the art of comedy! Check out his second article: I Think Enough I Have Been Reserved (by Dean Feiss). Yeah, I don't understand these things either.
It's Ming! GO TO OUR MING SITE! I have been a Ming fan for some time. His rants about everyday life were by far the most entertaining thing to come out of the site he wrote for, and I was very happy indeed when he decided to donate all those old articles to our site and write new ones. We have EIGHTEEN ARTICLES from the glory days of Ming, and he has begun a new column called "CHRIST DIED FOR THIS?" which will begin shortly. In his spare time, Ming is the highly-acclaimed creator of over three dozen short films, and known as perhaps the hardest-working man in no-budget show business. So, behold -- Ming!
Hallo Friends ... it's Sergio again! GO TO OUR SERGIO SITE! Probably the longest-running prank character at the old forum was Sergio, an immigrant filmmaker and director of "Look Out Ghost!" The character was controversial among those at the boards who disliked anything funny, as usual, but grew to be a part of the family. Sergio was actually Mike Stoklasa, who later wrote a (quite good) screenplay starring the character and started to produce it as an animated film.The project was too ambitious, and Mike was unable to complete it.
But here are the original posts ... the magic of Sergio!
FASTFORWARD NEWS
The original Fastforward! When I started this site in 2001, all it was was a series of spoof news bulletins. I wrote an issue a day for a week! I never thought Fastforward would actually go anywhere. But then I did Fastforward Radio, and later the Camp FF videos ... and this site grew into something else entirely. But I still keep that fake news flair alive sometimes. Here are all the original issues. Including the Ridley Scott special!
Great Threads in Fastforward Forum History!
New Book: 
New Article by 
It's the 
New Writer: 
New Article by 
Interview: Jason Santo talks to 
Interview: Warren Blyth talks to 
The Jedi 6 Interview: 
Alan and Dean Feiss
It's 
Hallo Friends ... it's