Entertainment
created by and for the no-budget filmmaking
community. We all work our asses off making movies not enough people watch.
FASTFORWARD is a chance for us to talk to other people just as messed-up as we are, relax and laugh about it. Send
submissions/comments/complaints to
The only way to know what no-budget movies are all about is by ordering them and watching them yourself. As an incentive, here are a whole bunch of movies you can watch right online!
Fastforward Favorites: The Cleaning Lady!
What can cause more mayhem and havoc than GMP Pictures' Rich Evans? Try TWO Rich Evanses! Come along for fun and destruction in one of my favorite GMP shorts ever, The Cleaning Lady! (14 minutes long, 15 MB Realplayer file.) Wackiness ensues when a bumbling odd-job man tries to clean the rickety house of filthy, wheelchair-bound shut-in Mr. Plinkett. Plinkett doesn't like stuff broken! The cleaning man breaks stuff! It's a recipe for disaster ... and comedy. Don't shoot yourself in the face -- watch The Cleaning Lady!
Hey kids! It's Squiffy the Derelict Cat!
Something's sure gonna happen! For FF members only, here comes a rare treat - a sneak preview of an animated cartoon by Garrett Gilchrist. It's Squiffy the Derelict Cat! (5.9 MB, Realplayer) Written by Jay Bauman and voiced by Garrett and Kara Dennison, this twisted tale of feline delinquence will appear in Jay's upcoming film "Clowns and Suicide," from Blanc Screen Cinema.But you cool cats and kittens get to watch it right now! Watch Squiffy get hit by a train! Watch him try to shoot a homeless man! Watch him solicit a prostitute, and do battle with a 300 foot tall politician! He'll be your favorite homeless loser. Something's sure gonna happen when you're with Squiffy the Derelict Cat!
New Trailer: Radio Man: The Movie!
Uh oh. Can the world withstand a movie starring our own Radio Man? I doubt it. But here's a trailer for one. I have no idea if there's actually a movie to go with this. From Orange Cow Productions and Garrett Gilchrist comes the most epic, anticipated motion picture of 2002, 2003 and possibly 1982. Look out world, here comes Radio Man! (6mb, Realplayer) The story: when corporate interest is shown in his radio program, our hero must finally leave his mom's house and journey to the big city. He must evade the mob, reunite with his long lost brother, and win the hand of a girl he likes. Actually none of that has anything to do with this trailer. Watch it anyway - it's Radio Man! With a special appearance by Deejay.
Fastforward Premiere: Mega Man!!
He does whatever a Mega can! Everyone's favorite blue video game star comes to life in Tim Carras' CGI special effects extravaganza, Mega Man! Can the blue bomber, with the help of Dr. Light and his robot dog Rush, defeat Air Man and learn Proto Man's terrible secret before a final showdown with the evil Dr. Wily? Featuring more great cheesy special effects than you would have thought possible in one film, along with lame sound editing, this is the most fun you'll have watching people play video game characters at the movies this year. Hell, it beats the hell out of Jean-Claude Van Damme in "Street Fighter." That movie sucked. From Bonus Light productions. Carras showed the film in class on a strict deadline and notes that he was still editing the movie as his class was starting, so it's unfinished and error-filled ... (he plans to do a fixed up version this summer.) You've gotta check out this 35-meg Quicktime DL. And if you like Tim's work, check out another special effects wonder he did recently, Unity (requires Quicktime 6.) And see outtakes and more footage of Rush and Air Man by viewing the teaser trailers at the Tim Carras Mega Man website (Requires Quicktime 6). Fight, Mega Man! For everlasting peace!
Sneak Peek: Ghostbusted 2!
This has been floating around the forums for a while, so I might as well post it here at the front page if you haven't seen it. A very early and unfinished rough cut of Orange Cow's "Ghostbusted 2" has been released. This has no music, no titles, no sound effects, and I intend to put the scenes in a different order. But here it is, in three parts: Part One (16 mb, 10 min)Part Two (22.3 mb, 12 min)Part Three (29.8 mb, 18 min) Ghostbusted 2, like its predecessor Ghostbusted, is a collection of random footage shot at the Camp Rewind festival in South Dakota. It's an improvised comedy film shot documentary style, as I follow around various funny filmmaking people, and they attempt half-assedly to entertain you without knowing what the hell they should do. The movie is not about anything in particular, but contains vague references to ghosts. For pictures from the film, click here.
Transcend Entertainment presents: QUIT We are proud to present a new short film by Transcend Entertainment's Jason Gutierrez - QUIT (8 min, 32 MB, Realplayer). Jason ("Vigilante" in the forums), is a veteran cinematographer of such films as "Guilt" and "Gods of Los Angeles," and known for his great, painterly lighting and visual style. I'm glad to be able to present his recent work here. Quit tells the story of a man giving up his habit for love, while unable to cope the reality of his addiction. For screen grabs, hack into Jason's webspace here: QUIT screen grabs. This is the third of Jason's recent batch of short films, and one he happens to like more than the others. It's here only at FF. Enjoy. Transcend Entertainment's QUIT (8 min, 32 MB, Realplayer).
Gorilla Interrupted Exclusive: David Ashe vs. Jay Bauman!
Double your comedy with twice the David Ashe. (3 mb, Realplayer.) We are proud to present, thanks to GMP pictures' Mike Stoklasa, not just one, but TWO completely different (and hilarious) takes on the same scene. Dave was asked to mail in a cameo for Stoklasa's unreleased epic schlock masterpiece, ("Gorilla Interrupted," which Dave had done a script rewrite for. I wrote him a gratuitious little scene he could play, and Dave sent in two versions of a scene ... one in which he played it normally, and one in which he played it as a flamboyantly gay Marxist. Mike edited together both versions. I'm not sure which he intends to use in the final cut, but I'm proud to present them both. You decide! Watch the video already! (3 mb, Realplayer) It's the former Orange Cow star vs. Blanc Screen Cinema's Jay Bauman, as Jay tries to call up a girl he likes, Julie, and gets Ashe instead. (Gorilla Interrupted is still unreleased, but you can watch nearly an hour of other scenes from it, in the unauthorized "bootleg cut.")
Hallo Friends ... it's Sergio
the movie! SERGIO TRAILER! (Realplayer, 4 MB, 3.5 minutes long.) Probably the longest-running prank character at the old forum was Sergio (actually Mike Stoklasa of GMP Pictures), an immigrant filmmaker and director of "Look Out Ghost!" In 2001, Mike wrote a screenplay called "Hallo Friends! It's Sergio" and began to create it as an animated film, voicing Sergio himself. He never completed the film (and showed his work to almost no one), and the project became as legendary as Sergio himself. So today, I have held Mike up at gunpoint and stolen some of his rough test footage for the film. I have added annoying music and sound effects to ruin it, and added some badly-acted voiceover to the end to complete my rape of this once-worthwhile project. I've edited what remained into trailer format and present it now to you. SERGIO TRAILER! (Realplayer, 4 MB, 3.5 minutes long.) As a special treat if this trailer catches your interest, here's a link to the full Sergio Screenplay by Mike Stoklasa ... as I thought it was a good screenplay, and well worth making as a film. And if you're unfamiliar with the legend of Sergio, and how he started as a series of prank posts and grew to live on in all our hearts, here is our Sergio section ... the original posts that started it all.
Fastforward Favorites: Indifferent Decision!
From Blanc Screen Cinema comes Jesse Sorgatz in Indifferent Decision (trailer), the gritty tale of a good cop gone bad. (5 MB Realplayer file.) What's the big deal? Well, it's generally accepted that GMP Pictures' drama "The Long Walk Home" starring Rich Evans was the best-made amateur film of 2001, and perhaps of all time ... possibly better than "Deathlist." But it did have one failing in that one major character, Tom "Jack" Sturges, played by Jesse Sorgatz, disappears from the plot halfway through and is not seen again. What happened? Well, it turns out Sturges was going on his own gritty, thrilling adventure! Do I smell sequel? Well, no. It just happens that while shooting shots of Sorgatz for the Long Walk Home trailer, Jay Bauman shot some more footage of Sorgatz's story, and has cut it into a trailer for your viewing enjoyment. View and enjoy. It's Indifferent Decision! The story: Trying to fight corruption in his department, Chicago detective Tom Sturges (Jesse Sorgatz) has fallen into alcoholism and depression. Tom's only relief in life comes in the form of Allison (Jessie Cuellar, who doesn't appear in this trailer), a homeless woman whom Tom falls in love with. But Allison might not be what Tom thinks her to be. In reality, she's the head of a secret, underground terrorist group known as "The Triad." It's up to Tom to bring himself out of depression and fight the manipulation of the system.
Fastforward Premiere: New Junk from Junk Productions!!
"Thanks," said K. Shawn Edgar of Oregon's Junk productions as he handed copies of his two latest shorts over to me. "Don't make the baby Jesus weep." I assume he meant he wanted me to post these on the site. We're proud to premiere Eighteen and Bleeding (22.8 MB, Realplayer), as well as present Full Metal Misognyist (14 MB, Quicktime) and Deja vu, Descending (Quicktime, 7 mb). These somewhat disturbing, abstract little videos are the latest entries in Warren Blyth's Random Eyes Gauntlet series of sinister short films. The last one loosely based on a script by Robert Kirkpatrick, the first two loosely based on scripts by Random Foo. Junk Productions, like Warren Blyth's Funeral Home Entertainment, is of course a spinoff of Alan Winston's Bravado Entertainment. Enjoy. Or baby Jesus will cry. Eighteen and Bleeding (22.8 MB, Realplayer), Full Metal Misognyist (14 MB, Quicktime), and Deja vu, Descending (Quicktime, 7 mb).
Transcend Entertainment Presents: 3 Times a Day With joy and fear in our hearts we present the first of Jason Gutierrez's recent batch of short films. 3 Times a Day (33 MB, Realplayer) is a silent, largely black and white piece in which, on the surface, very little happens. A couple eats dinner, quietly. But underneath lurks depression and darkness, and a hint of what some people will do to retain the illusion of inner stability. So, dinner and drugs. As with all of Jason's work, I'd like to give special attention to the lighting. That's some good cinematographin' there. You should definitely check this out. We're directing you to the official website, where you can also see screen grabs from the project. 3 Times a Day (33 MB, Realplayer).
Fastforward Presents: Even More Junk From Junk!
What, MORE shorts from K. Shawn Edgar and Junk Productions? We've been getting one a day of this Junk all week. Well, good to know at least somebody around here is busy. Hey folks, you saw it here first - no really you did. Fresh from the fryer, it's The Polymer Chicken (16 MB, Realplayer) starring Alan Winston and Warren Blyth ... then watch as Warren meets K Shawn and Your End of the World (20 mb, Realplayer) ... and then take a trip with Kshawn and The Fallen Beast & the Roadkill (21.0M, Realplayer). Once again, these bite-size morsels of simplicity were put together fast from other people's scripts for Warren Blyth's series of Gauntlet short films connecting filmmakers across the Net, Random Eyes. And yes, there's still more coming. A warning - The Polymer Chicken is my favorite of this batch definitely, but if you don't want your mind scarred you may want to shut it off when the closing titles start, as the credits contain simulated male nudity. Yay! With guest director Sean Waldow.
Transcend Entertainment Presents: Somnium!
Here is the last of Jason Gutierrez's recent short films, and the strangest. Somnium (24 MB, 6 min, Realplayer) stars occasional stoner filmmaker Sean Porres as a man haunted by visions, and by one ugly-ass love interest. Sean didn't do much actual acting, and as shooting progressed, Jason himself lost all interest in this project. Unsatisfied, he edited it together anyway, with slick and strange special effects all over the place. The result is a fun watch, and an absolutely meaningless little movie. As Jason himself puts it, "This film should not be taken seriously. I am aware of the fact that it is all style and no substance." Jason has been accused of this in the past, but this time the legends are true. The Felix car dealership sign, located near USC, plays an important role, and that in itself makes this worth watching. Enjoy it as it is .... Somnium (24 MB, 6 min, Realplayer). And check out screen grabs at Jason's website.
Remastered: A Very Blanc Screen Christmas!
We're in a Christmasy mood here at Fastforward, and why not kick off the season with a newly remastered and reedited version of Jay Bauman's
A Very Blanc Screen Christmas? (12 minutes long, 28.7 MB Realplayer file.) Even if you've seen it before, it's now six minutes shorter and the picture quality doesn't suck. If you haven't, what are you waiting for? This is an old-school Blanc Screen short, made before the restraining orders. Good times. The story:
Lumpy McBlowswaggle (Jay Bauman) hates Christmas. And he's also a cannibal. But when he finds out that Santa (Josh Cox) has been kidnapped by the infamous Duggan Johnson (Jesse Sorgatz), who sports a third nipple on his forehead, will he change his ways and save the day to impress his girlfriend Dixie (Alicia Gibb)? Or will he try and munch down on Santa? Narrated by Lisa Renley. Merry Christmas, wankers!
Fastforward Premiere: Karate Pate 3!
Oregon's Bravado Entertainment brings you their newest short, Karate Pate 3: The Vernal Season. This is a 22 meg, 13 minute file in Windows Media Player format, which makes me want to smack Warren Blyth since I am on a mac. Anyway, in this excitingly pointless short, Alan Winston fights Warren Blyth for some reason. Confusingly choppy editing and horrible special effects ensue, along with some embarrassingly overlong dialogue. Enjoy. Jonason Ho directs, and as he says , "this film has a twist ending that's so shocking you'll piss your pants." Visit the website!
Fastforward Premiere: CHIA II!
We are deeply honored to be able to present to you this latest epic adventure from Jay Bauman of Blanc Screen Cinema -- CHIA II! This is a 1.47 MB Realplayer file of what is sure to be the most talked-about short film of the season, perhaps the year. Perhaps the decade. I take back everything I said about the original Chia. Chia II is an epic. Shot specifically for Fastforward, this is the "Empire Strikes Back," the "Two Towers" of Chia films. It furthers the story set up in the first in shocking new ways, adding visible growth and yes, violence. Truly this is the second Chia movie I have ever seen. Interesting work Jay! What's next?
New Video from Bravado/Funeral Home/Junk !
Warren Blyth will drive you mad with the short, meaningless strangeness his Gauntlet series continues to achieve. Lending a Helping Hand to the Poor, a rape of a script by Jenn Edgar, is Warren's latest. It's an 8 MB Quicktime file. There's also the matter of Jenn Edgar's Three-Way Confusion. This is a 7.48 meg Windows Media Player file, which, again, makes me want to smack Warren since I'm on a mac. But with lovely weirdness like this, my urge to kill has lowered so much I am unable to. I'll get you next time, Warren Blyth! NEXT TIME!
Trailer for Jay Bauman's quasi-autobiographical 2001 comedy. A college dropout writer with an immature attitude toward women returns to his old hometown to recapture his fond memories of high school. What he finds instead is pain and roadkill. Winner of the Orange Cow award for Best Picture, 2002. Eight Rewind nominations 2002. Jay Bauman, Lisa Renley, Mike Stoklasa, Rich Evans, Ryan Erke.
I'VE BEEN MOCKED ENOUGH (Dir. Garrett Gilchrist, Orange Cow Productions, 17.3 megs, 7 minutes long, Realplayer) A pointless tale of superpowered strangeness in the old west. When the evil Tex Reeves and his clan of bad men invades the peaceful town of Yukonville, a stranger with no name must stop them by any means necessary. Wackiness ensues. Garrett put no effort whatsoever into this movie. Written by Jonason Ho of Oregon's Bravado/Funeral Home Entertainment. Starring Volcano Todd and Colin Brown, with cgi by Jason Porath (president of SCFX, USC's special effects society). Visit the website!
WHERE'S DEATHLIST? (Dir. Lisa Renley, GMP Pictures and Blanc Screen Cinema, 64.5 megs, 18 minutes long, Quicktime) Sid (Mike Stoklasa, from Gorilla Interrupted) has the last copy of a classically awful amateur movie called Deathlist, and it has slowed his mind. But Chet (Mike Stoklasa, from Clowns and Suicide) wants it! Meanwhile, Arlo Jenkins (Jay Bauman, from Pervert Goes Home) is training a new employee - Monkey Man! Wackiness ensues in one of the most bizarre short films ever made. Including great editing by Mike Stoklasa. With Lauren Burke and Ryan Erke. Visit the website!
Fastforward Premiere: CartoonLarry's Unknown Planet: Episode 1! Now here's a filmmaker you haven't seen on this site before. I have no idea what to make of this, but here it is to make you smile. CartoonLarry's Unknown Planet: Episode 1! This is a 4 megabyte Windows Media Player File. (Will you people stop it with the Windows Media files? I'm on a mac here!) In this video, two kids encounter unexpected danger on an alien planet.
GORILLA INTERRUPTED: Bootleg Cut (Dir. Jay Bauman, Blanc Screen Cinema, 7.38 MB, 5 min., Realplayer) A documentary about the bizarre, possibly cursed shooting of the amateur comedy feature "Gorilla Interrupted" (Mike Stoklasa, GMP Pictures, 2002). A historic, all-star collaboration between three groups -- GMP Pictures, Blanc Screen Cinema and Orange Cow Productions - "Gorilla Interrupted" was intended as the ultimate in schlock comedy. Instead it turned into an exercise in illness, injury and pain. The finished movie is quite funny, though. It even inspired its own video game, "Moron Kombat." The plot concerns four would-be heroes attempting to save the world from an alien invasion. Mike Stoklasa, Jay Bauman, Rich Evans, Garrett Gilchrist, Lisa Renley, Laura Dagys. (Best Documentary nomination, Rewind 2002.) Visit the website!
Fastforward Favorites: 
STRIPPED AWAY (Dir. Garrett Gilchrist, Orange Cow Productions, 28.2 megs, 18 minutes long, Realplayer)
Hey kids! It's 
New Trailer: 
Fastforward Premiere: 
Sneak Peek: 
Transcend Entertainment presents: 
GODS OF LOS ANGELES trailer (Dir. Garrett Gilchrist, Orange Cow Productions, 9 megs, 3 minutes long, Quicktime)
Gorilla Interrupted Exclusive: 
CLOWNS AND SUICIDE trailer (Dir. Jay Bauman, Blanc Screen Cinema, 6 megs, 3 minutes long, Quicktime)
Hallo Friends ... it's 
Fastforward Favorites: 
Fastforward Premiere: New Junk from Junk Productions!!
Transcend Entertainment Presents: 
Fastforward Presents: Even More Junk From Junk!
Transcend Entertainment Presents: 
Remastered: 
Fastforward Premiere: 
Fastforward Premiere: 
New Video from Bravado/Funeral Home/Junk !
The Long Walk Home (Dir. Mike Stoklasa, GMP Pictures, 2001, 22 megs, 35 minutes long, Realplayer)
TORGO AND THE QUEST FOR FUCK (Dir. Jay Bauman, Blanc Screen Cinema, 9.3 megs, 5 minutes long, Realplayer)
EXCALIBURGER trailer (Dir. Garrett Gilchrist, Orange Cow Productions, 9 megs, 3 minutes long, Realplayer)
Terry Pratchett's MORT (Dir. Garrett Gilchrist, Orange Cow Productions, 36 megs, 26 minutes long, Realplayer)
GHOST BUSTED (Dir. Garrett Gilchrist, Orange Cow Productions and GMP Pictures, 22.8 megs, 18 minutes long, Realplayer)
PERVERT GOES HOME trailer (Dir. Jay Bauman, Blanc Screen Cinema, 2.5 megs, 2 minutes long, Realplayer)
THE CANCER (Dir. Jonathan Block, 18.5 megs, 12 minutes long, Realplayer)
BEAUTIFUL ZELDA 
FADE TO BLACK SPOOF (Dir. Jay Bauman, Blanc Screen Cinema, 2 megs, 1 minute long, Quicktime)
I'VE BEEN MOCKED ENOUGH (Dir. Garrett Gilchrist, Orange Cow Productions, 17.3 megs, 7 minutes long, Realplayer)
THE MAN WITH THE FRAGILE LOWER JAW (Dir. Alan Winston, Bravado Entertainment, 13.5 megs, 3 minutes long, Quicktime)
Clip from GAUNTLET 216
WHERE'S DEATHLIST? (Dir. Lisa Renley, GMP Pictures and Blanc Screen Cinema, 64.5 megs, 18 minutes long, Quicktime)
GORILLA INTERRUPTED: Bootleg Cut (Dir. Jay Bauman, Blanc Screen Cinema, 7.38 MB, 5 min., Realplayer)
HOUSE OF FUN promo (Dir. Garrett Gilchrist, Orange Cow Productions, 9.5 megs, 3 minutes long, Realplayer)
SUGARHIGH CRUSADE animations (Dir. Garrett Gilchrist, Orange Cow Productions, 12 megs, 3 minutes long, Realplayer)
Clips from Dr. Fred's The Phantom Movie (Dir. Garrett Gilchrist, Orange Cow Productions, Realplayer)
Clips from The Animal Game (Dir. Garrett Gilchrist, Orange Cow Productions, Realplayer)
Clip from "Dr. Fred Strikes Back" (1998-99) - "KILL" and "Tellychubbies" (Dir. Garrett Gilchrist, Orange Cow Productions, Realplayer)