Entertainment
created by and for the no-budget filmmaking
community. We all work our asses off making movies not enough people watch.
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Remastered: A Very Blanc Screen Christmas!
We're in a Christmasy mood here at Fastforward, and why not kick off the season with a newly remastered and reedited version of Jay Bauman's
A Very Blanc Screen Christmas? (12 minutes long, 28.7 MB Realplayer file.) Even if you've seen it before, it's now six minutes shorter and the picture quality doesn't suck. If you haven't, what are you waiting for? This is an old-school Blanc Screen short, made before the restraining orders. Good times. The story:
Lumpy McBlowswaggle (Jay Bauman) hates Christmas. And he's also a cannibal. But when he finds out that Santa (Josh Cox) has been kidnapped by the infamous Duggan Johnson (Jesse Sorgatz), who sports a third nipple on his forehead, will he change his ways and save the day to impress his girlfriend Dixie (Alicia Gibb)? Or will he try and munch down on Santa? Narrated by Lisa Renley. Merry Christmas, wankers!
New James and His Toy Robot comic! From Oregon, Kitano Sans checks in today with a special Christmas episode of his comic strip, "James and His Toy Robot." This time, James and his robot get so festive it'll make your mind explode. Merry Xbox, everyone! (Previous comic)
Fastforward Favorites: The Cleaning Lady!
What can cause more mayhem and havoc than GMP Pictures' Rich Evans? Try TWO Rich Evanses! Come along for fun and destruction in one of my favorite GMP shorts ever, The Cleaning Lady! (14 minutes long, 15 MB Realplayer file.) Wackiness ensues when a bumbling odd-job man tries to clean the rickety house of filthy, wheelchair-bound shut-in Mr. Plinkett. Plinkett doesn't like stuff broken! The cleaning man breaks stuff! It's a recipe for disaster ... and comedy. Don't shoot yourself in the face -- watch The Cleaning Lady!
It's a Disturbingly Merry Radio Man Christmas! Talk radio fans, grab a mug of scaldingly hot cocoa, start a warm fire on your desktop, and see if your brain can withstand The Radio Man Christmas Special. (Realplayer, 7 megs.) It's a half hour of chat about Christmas as Ebenezer Radio Man searches for the true meaning of the season. Find out why a snowman could kick your ass. Find out why Batman and Christmas don't mix! It's guaranteed to make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Unless it doesn't. But it is guaranteed to make you wonder why you're listening to this. Like a mug of hot Christmas cheer dumped splat into your lap. Listen to the Radio Man. Love the Radio Man.
Hallo Friends ... it's Sergio
the movie! SERGIO TRAILER! (Realplayer, 4 MB, 3.5 minutes long.) Probably the longest-running prank character at the old forum was Sergio (actually Mike Stoklasa of GMP Pictures), an immigrant filmmaker and director of "Look Out Ghost!" In 2001, Mike wrote a screenplay called "Hallo Friends! It's Sergio" and began to create it as an animated film, voicing Sergio himself. He never completed the film (and showed his work to almost no one), and the project became as legendary as Sergio himself. So today, I have held Mike up at gunpoint and stolen some of his rough test footage for the film. I have added annoying music and sound effects to ruin it, and added some badly-acted voiceover to the end to complete my rape of this once-worthwhile project. I've edited what remained into trailer format and present it now to you. SERGIO TRAILER! (Realplayer, 4 MB, 3.5 minutes long.) As a special treat if this trailer catches your interest, here's a link to the full Sergio Screenplay by Mike Stoklasa ... as I thought it was a good screenplay, and well worth making as a film. And if you're unfamiliar with the legend of Sergio, and how he started as a series of prank posts and grew to live on in all our hearts, here is our Sergio section ... the original posts that started it all.
Fastforward Favorites: Indifferent Decision!
From Blanc Screen Cinema comes Jesse Sorgatz in Indifferent Decision (trailer), the gritty tale of a good cop gone bad. (5 MB Realplayer file.) What's the big deal? Well, it's generally accepted that GMP Pictures' drama "The Long Walk Home" starring Rich Evans was the best-made amateur film of 2001, and perhaps of all time ... possibly better than "Deathlist." But it did have one failing in that one major character, Tom "Jack" Sturges, played by Jesse Sorgatz, disappears from the plot halfway through and is not seen again. What happened? Well, it turns out Sturges was going on his own gritty, thrilling adventure! Do I smell sequel? Well, no. It just happens that while shooting shots of Sorgatz for the Long Walk Home trailer, Jay Bauman shot some more footage of Sorgatz's story, and has cut it into a trailer for your viewing enjoyment. View and enjoy. It's Indifferent Decision! The story: Trying to fight corruption in his department, Chicago detective Tom Sturges (Jesse Sorgatz) has fallen into alcoholism and depression. Tom's only relief in life comes in the form of Allison (Jessie Cuellar, who doesn't appear in this trailer), a homeless woman whom Tom falls in love with. But Allison might not be what Tom thinks her to be. In reality, she's the head of a secret, underground terrorist group known as "The Triad." It's up to Tom to bring himself out of depression and fight the manipulation of the system.
Fastforward Premiere: CHIA II!
We are deeply honored to be able to present to you this latest epic adventure from Jay Bauman of Blanc Screen Cinema -- CHIA II! This is a 1.47 MB Realplayer file of what is sure to be the most talked-about short film of the season, perhaps the year. Perhaps the decade. I take back everything I said about the original Chia. Chia II is an epic. Shot specifically for Fastforward, this is the "Empire Strikes Back," the "Two Towers" of Chia films. It furthers the story set up in the first in shocking new ways, adding visible growth and yes, violence. Truly this is the second Chia movie I have ever seen. Interesting work Jay! What's next?
Fastforward Premiere: CartoonLarry's Unknown Planet: Episode 1! Now here's a filmmaker you haven't seen on this site before. I have no idea what to make of this, but here it is to make you smile. CartoonLarry's Unknown Planet: Episode 1! This is a 4 megabyte Windows Media Player File. (Will you people stop it with the Windows Media files? I'm on a mac here!) In this video, two kids encounter unexpected danger on an alien planet.
Remastered: 
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Hallo Friends ... it's 
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