Entertainment
created by and for the no-budget filmmaking
community. We all work our asses off making movies not enough people watch.
FASTFORWARD is a chance for us to talk to other people just as messed-up as we are, relax and laugh about it. Send
submissions/comments/complaints to
It's the (un)official Camp Fastforward 2003 Website by Jonason Ho!
Can I get a big "uh-oh?" From June 20th to June 22nd, Camp Fastforward 2003 was held in the lounge at Troy East apartments, USC, Los Angeles (although, as fits Camp Fastforward tradition, no one was there on the 20th). Mike Stoklasa, John Brugmann, Warren Blyth, Jonason Ho, Jason Gutierrez, and Garrett Gilchrist (about 80% of the forum regulars) were in town for the quote unquote "hilarity," which also involved recording some voices for Mike's film "Oranges: Revenge of the Eggplant" (involving actors Katherine Hoagland and Riley O'Malley). But mostly, everyone spent a long saturday night talking, eating pizza, drinking, and ... oh yeah, watching some movies, including "Karate Pate 0," "For Science" and "Quit." Was it worth the drive/plane ticket? You bet your sweet bippy, and Jonason Ho's got the website to prove it. Behold, the insane glory that is the Camp Fastforward 2003 website. This page entertains me to no end, probably because I'm an idiot. Also, click on these links for more pictures: Big Pictures (suitable for wallpaper) ... Little Pictures ... rumor has it there is more coming to this page. Which would be good, as I need more of this just like your mom needs more crack. Yeah, I'm talking to you. You heard me.
Comic Special: James and His Toy Robot: Selling Lemonade!
The fight for the future continues in this insane, epic, 14-page comic special by Kitano Sans - one of the many alter egos of Oregon's Jonason Ho. Yes, James and His Toy Robot are back, and this time they're taking no prisoners. In James and His Toy Robot: Selling Lemonade, many things will happen. The virtuous will be rewarded, the bad ones punished. Some will lay down their lives. Can your heart stand the shocking facts of the true story that is James and His Toy Robot: Selling Lemonade? Click and read, my friends, click and read. You really have no choice.
We are proud to present a new instructional video series from Milwaukee's Blanc Screen Cinema.
In Monkey Make Movie: Episode 1 (Realplayer, 11.7 MB, 4.5 minutes long), Jay Bauman and his lovely assistant Bingo show you how to make convincing blood effects for your no-budget movie productions.
Blanc Screen Presents: Monkey Make Movie - Episode 2! In Monkey Make Movie Episode 2: Auditioning Actors (Realplayer, 4,5 minutes, 12 megs), Jay explains proper procedure for finding the right people to be in your films. Meanwhile, Bingo talks about her moviemaking plans. The special guest this episode is someone I don't recognize, but hope to see more of in the future. This person alone makes this one a must see. If you see only one thing on this site today, see make this one yours: Monkey Make Movie Episode 2: Auditioning Actors.
Blanc Screen Presents: Monkey Make Movie - Episode 3! ANOTHER Monkey Make Movie in as many days! It's like Christmas every day here at FFrevolution.com. Well, your present from Uncle Jay Bauman today is Monkey Make Movie Episode 3, a very different and "special" episode (in the way retarded people are "special") where Jay hits the streets of Milwaukee to find out the effect amateur movies have had on people's lives. The results will shock and amaze you. Well, no, actually they won't. This episode says it all about amateur movies, why we work so hard to make the movies we do. Or rather ... why do we work so hard to make the movies we do? Um. Yeah. Jay considers this a favorite ep, he had a lot of fun shooting it and it shows. And here it is -- Monkey Make Movie Episode 3 (9.82 MB, 4 minutes long, Realplayer). Merry Christmas! Wait, it isn't Christmas. What the plog?
It's Monkey Make Movie Episode 4: Screenwriting!
Jay Bauman is back. Bingo is back. It's a new installment in the ongoing saga of Monkey Make Movie, Blanc Screen Cinema's instructional series about the proper way to make them thar films. Coming all the way from Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Monkey Make Movie is our most popular series here at FF ... actually it's so popular that by now I would like to say its popularity has gotten out of hand. Anyway, to reinforce this popularity and prove that he's let popularity go to his head and lost his touch, Jay Bauman writes: [This is] probably not the finest installment, but pretty funny nonetheless." Agreed on both points, Jay! So, in episode 4, Bauman and Bingo teach you how to write a screenplay, with examples from one of the greatest screenplays ever written. We will also hear Bingo's views on Kenny Loggins (she's for him). Click or die! Monkey Make Movie Episode 4: Screenwriting! (Realplayer, 5.5 minutes, 13.7 MB)
It's Monkey Make Movie: Episode Five!
It's going to be a little different today at the Monkey Make Movie headquarters. Because Jay Bauman has something to say. It's Monkey Make Movie: Episode Five, and the less I say to spoil it the better. This is the fifth installment in Blanc Screen Cinema's ridiculously popular instructional video series on how to make a movie when you're a monkey. Stand up with me now, stand up and click on that bright yellow link over there ... stand up and watch Monkey Make Movie: Episode Five. (Realplayer, 7MB, 3 minutes long)
It's Monkey Make Movie: Episode Six!
According to Jay Bauman, it's the ten year anniversary of
Monkey Make Movie, and you know what that means ... that means Jay Bauman is full of shit. But Jay and Bingo are back with a special guest and some other surprises, in Monkey Make Movie Episode 6: Out of Work Actors, the magical sixth installment in Blanc Screen Cinema's too-popular-for-its-own-good instructional video series on how to make a movie when you're a monkey. It's the longest episode yet! See Bingo impersonate a child actor with no neck! See our special guest selling copies of a book cowritten with Lloyd Kaufman! See Bingo say "My whaaaat?" See Jay act kind of creepy! See Dungeons and Dragons, on video now! Two days in the making, Jay calls it "THE BEST EPISODE OF MONKEY MAKE MOVIE EVER!!" And then stops lying long enough to say "This episode is important...this episode is leading up to something...something big." And then he chuckles. Here it is, then .... Monkey Make Movie: Episode 6: Out of Work Actors. (Realplayer, 20.9 MB, 8.5 minutes long)
Radio Man: Live Without Pants!
Radio Man: Live Without Pants (10 min, 35 MB, Quicktime) In previous issues, you've seen our own Radio Man try to perform live onstage. You've seen him fall over and get thrown offstage. But this time, nobody can stop him. This time, Radio Man gets to perform his act for 10 entire minutes. This time, Radio Man takes off his pants. The pants are off, and no holds are barred. Watch Radio Man talk about eating paint! Watch Radio Man try to eat his own pants! Shiver with glee as Radio Man puts on 3-d glasses and sings his hit single, "Space Hat," with guitar accompaniment by his manager, Jason Gutierrez. The greatest Radio Man standup act ever? Well, no. But it is the best one yet. Enjoy. Read Garrett's entire account of the night in the forums. To see Radio Man's previous two live performance attempts, read "Radio Man Live" The incredibly true story of Radio Man's first live performance, and
"Radio Man Kicked Offstage", the tragic tale of Radio Man's unsuccessful second performance. And visit the Radio Man website.
Radio Man: Live Without Pants (10 min, 35 MB, Quicktime)
Unseen since fall 2001, Garrett Gilchrist's long-running (43 installments!) comic strip "The Sugarhigh Crusade," is returning after its two-year sleep. Lord Aleric Sugarhigh has returned, with his cohorts Toshiro the Samurai, Joel, and the lovely Miss #749. Three new installments of The Sugarhigh Crusade have already been created - It will be appearing every week in the USC newspaper, The Daily Trojan, and more importantly will be appearing every week right here in our forums, and at the official Sugarhigh webpage. The strip follows the ongoing story of a funny and bizarre adventure, as a knight, a samurai, and two students go on quests all over a college campus, righting wrongs and doing battle with celebrities like Leonard Maltin. A paperback book compilation is coming soon, that you will be able to buy here. There's five years of story to catch up on, so better get cracking! You can read them all at the Sugarhigh webpage.
New James and His Toy Robot comic! From Oregon, Kitano Sans checks in today with a special Christmas episode of his comic strip, "James and His Toy Robot." This time, James and his robot get so festive it'll make your mind explode. Merry Xbox, everyone!
New Comic Strip: Vitreous Humor!
Warren Blyth, known for his out-there Gauntlet films and the design of this website, has checked in these past two weeks with a new comic strip every single goddamn day. The strip is called Vitreous Humor, it's about a blue guy and a red guy (Viddy and Seedy) discussing matters of the mind, and it's been taking over our forum daily. It's very strange in that way only Warren can create ... If Warren doesn't stop being so peculiar, he's going to get a reputation for this. Keep it up, Warr. And click here to read all of Vitreous Humor. It is funny in a way that it challenges strangers!
It's Radio Man Live!
Oh dear. It's our own Radio Man, and he's live onstage, performing at USC's coffehouse and poet/musician hangout, GroundZero. Well, he's not so much performing as he's destroying the stage. Read all about it here, or just watch Radio Man's first ever live performance! (8 mb, Realplayer) The story goes: Jason Gutierrez convinced Garrett to crash an open mic night ... he had no plan, no idea what to do, and as soon as he arrived he suddenly found himself onstage. He proceeded to wing it. Garrett calls it a terrible performance, but plans to do more and better in the future. And you get to see him accidentally steal and destroy some random person's guitar! Read the full story here.
CAMP FASTFORWARD 2002: Seven days of videos from an "event" held in October 2002, spoofing the Camp Rewind festival we attend every year. The story goes: Garrett decided to hold a film festival honoring amateur comedy movies. He held it in L.A., called it Camp Fastforward. No one showed up. Undaunted, Garrett continued to hold increasingly strange and desperate video updates from the site. He became convinced he was holding a "revolution." It became an elaborate, disturbing seven-day event. Halfway through, the Camp Rewind people actually tried to shut Garrett down! Garrett waved a final goodbye to Rewind here (for obvious reasons) and went on to do this site fulltime. Thanks to Jason Gutierrez, Jason Santo, Mike Stoklasa, Rich Evans and Warren Blyth for their help on the Day 7 video.
Infamous Scene: Day 7's final shot of Warren Blyth. Oh, and day 4's "teapot" video.
PHOTOSHOP PHUN: GODS OF LOS ANGELES AND REWIND 86 Photoshop gags! John Brugmann and Garrett Gilchrist were bored one night, and then Brugmann began to alter images from Garrett's dramatic feature "Gods of Los Angeles," for comic effect. Garrett followed, and created a huge amount of goofy images full of amateur film in-jokes no one will get. It started to get funnier as it went on. Warren Blyth also got in on the action. The hilarity continued to flow like fine wine for the next few days, and this is one of my favorite features we've done. From August 2002.
Moon Beast: Wow, this is an old joke long dead. But I'll keep it up for nostalgia's sake. A classic prank from the old forum, and as usual, Mike Stoklasa had something to do with it. But eventually everyone joined in. And I mean EVERYONE. It seemed Stoklasa was convinced that the webpage for an unproduced amateur movie called "Moon Beast" (by Dark Dragon Films) was so stupid that the movie had to be fake. He posted as a Dreamworks employee, offering 6 figures for the rights to Moon Beast. This triggered off an insane bidding war among dead directors like Orson Welles for the rights to the Moon Beast concept. Eventually, somehow, an enormously fat cat named Scruffles got put into the leading role of the film. And it no longer had anything to do with the original Moon Beast. I was gonna make this into a film, but Tim Harmon beat me to it, making a trailer starring Brian Riffel. (I don't have a copy of this online at the moment, but will post it when I do.) And don't worry about Dark Dragon films, they weren't offended. I saved all the original forum posts and made a site. Look out - it's MOON BEAST!
The Torgo Donuts (13.5 MB, Realplayer): Very weird and very long (21 minutes) ... so I guess it belongs here. From early 2002, this was the first bit of video I ever shot specifically for the web. There was no editing, I just turned the camera on and said whatever came to mind, and it was done in about 2 hours. I play myself. It's a tour of my crappy life ... and takes place in the same house that Fastforward Radio was set in, so if nothing else fans of that series can actually see the place ... there is even an appearance by Deejay! (see left) The whole thing was inspired by seeing the trailer to Queequeg Films' The Robert Cake. It was a funny trailer (and is a funny film), and at that point I was hoping Queequeg would do a sequel to Torgo and the Quest for Fuck, a short film Jay Bauman did in which I got to act with that group. Well, if Ryan Winford's Robert can possess Jeremy Gardner in The Robert Cake, why couldn't Ryan Winford's Torgo possess me in The Torgo Donuts? An incredibly stupid idea, but then so was Fastforward Radio. So prepare to be bored ... here comes The Torgo Donuts (13.5 MB, Realplayer).
New Poster: CAT HAT LOL!
Cat. Hat. In French, Chat Chapeau. In an attempt to start a new fashion trend, we are proud to present CAT HAT LOL! Garrett discovered this image in a fashion magazine and reproduces it for you as a poster, greeting cards, all sorts of fun items you can purchase (we make no profit off this) and display in your home. It's a hairball of fabulousness! CAT HAT LOL!
The Torgo Donuts (13.5 MB, Realplayer): Very weird and very long (21 minutes) ... so I guess it belongs here. From early 2002, this was the first bit of video I ever shot specifically for the web. There was no editing, I just turned the camera on and said whatever came to mind, and it was done in about 2 hours. I play myself. It's a tour of my crappy life ... and takes place in the same house that Fastforward Radio was set in, so if nothing else fans of that series can actually see the place ... there is even an appearance by Deejay! (see left) The whole thing was inspired by seeing the trailer to Queequeg Films' The Robert Cake. It was a funny trailer (and is a funny film), and at that point I was hoping Queequeg would do a sequel to Torgo and the Quest for Fuck, a short film Jay Bauman did in which I got to act with that group. Well, if Ryan Winford's Robert can possess Jeremy Gardner in The Robert Cake, why couldn't Ryan Winford's Torgo possess me in The Torgo Donuts? An incredibly stupid idea, but then so was Fastforward Radio. So prepare to be bored ... here comes The Torgo Donuts (13.5 MB, Realplayer).
New Poster: CAT HAT LOL!
Comic Special: 
Blanc Screen Presents: 
Blanc Screen Presents: 
It's 
It's 
The return of 
New Comic Strip: 
It's 
CAMP FASTFORWARD 2002
PHOTOSHOP PHUN: GODS OF LOS ANGELES AND REWIND
Moon Beast