"Timberwolf Digital is an amateur movie company, they make mostly horror movies, and their trailers play up the (cough) female nudity in the films. God bless 'em. This gave me the idea to parody their banner, which was on REwind." "The very talented and successful Michael and Marc Linn ran the 2001 Camp REwind festival in their hometown of Rapid City, South Dakota. AKA the middle of nowhere. A spoof of a banner from REwind." "Unfortunately this page doesn't actually exist. Wish it did. Spoof of John Simpson's Amateur Movie Database banner. Pics from my own Phantom Movie, Trouble With Her Uterus, and some Timberwolf thing." "Jon Ashby, who runs REwind, has been working for ages on a movie called D-Generation. He frequently posts updates about the movie on REwind. Nothing wrong with self-promotion, but it gave me the idea for this spoof banner. I also spoofed their fetus logo." "GMP's Mike Stoklasa suggested an alternate catchphrase for the Timberwolf thing, saying that the women in the banner looked like Czechoslovakian mail-order brides or something. Tim Whitfield from Timberwolf didn't like it, though. And it turned out REwind's Jon Ashby didn't think it was funny either. I thought it was funny, but now it's gone." "REwind eventually changed its D-Generation banner, after I'd parodied the first one. The new one showed off their slogan: 'Killer by design. Human by mistake.' Another parody was clearly in order, and here goes." "Not a joke, this is the actual Orange Cow banner that runs at REwind to this day. Hey, I can self-promote too. I like that REwind and Fastforward thus have one banner that's totally the same. I wish they'd use all of ours!" "Random Foo is a very prolific amateur company, and their REwind banner was animated, and said '3, 2, 1 til the next movie is completed.' It was a countdown, which was cool, but there was something vaguely creepy about that countdown element. This spoof banner was what popped into my head. It was also the first spoof banner I ever did." "Me and Mike 'Slappy' Branum, who runs Hoopty Studios, well, we used to fight a lot. Call each other pansies. It was all in good fun, sort of. Mike's logo was a ballerina. I took it that the ballerina was Slappy. Slappy claims it represents his wife. Yeah, right. Slappy was very offended by this banner, which I'm proud of. I actually offended somebody." "An original banner, not a spoof. Jon Ashby who runs REwind has a photo of himself he likes to use, posing against black with yellow shades on holding a sword. He uses it because he thinks he looks cool in it. His thought process is explained here, I hope you enjoy it for its educational content." "Many sites, including the REwind Forum, have that annoying moving Java "Shock the Monkey and Win $20" banner. It's hateful, if you've ever seen it, just hateful. Treeloot.com. Now, GMP Pictures has a recurring character known as Monkey Man, a guy in a gorilla suit. GMP does comedy, so they're automatically FastForward-endorsed. Oddly enough, it was Marc Linn of Linn Productions who suggested the 'Shock the Monkey Man' idea. Thanks Marc!" "A spoof of the Video Guys ad that appears at REwind. It's one of those annoying, flashing, obvious advertisements. So, Ashby's a sellout, but is he making any real money? Sounds like a good banner joke to me." "The Random Foo guys, Dan Gorgone in particular, also run a humor site called Crazymofo.com, where they rant about stuff. I rant there occasionally myself under the name of Skeletor. But the articles most worth reading there are always Jason "Ming" Santo's, because Santo writes about porn a lot. There, now that's explained. Yay." "I released a movie called Excaliburger in summer 2001. I got some orders, but I went broke from mailing out free copies, even though I'd swore I wouldn't. Obviously we'd all like our movies to sell lots of copies. And they don't. I thought it would be funny to take self-promotion to a really disturbing level. Hence this slogan." "Brad Osborne's REwind banner for his movie 'Hall of Mirrors' seemed to focus rather solely on his lead actress' breasts. Which is probably the main thing worth watching in the film as well, but he didn't have to come right out and make it that obvious. I added a big label near the breasts, and changed the review quote - the original quote was credited to a tiny illegible scrawl, but I didn't have room to jokingly copy that - I did spoof the quote, though, which originally read 'GRIPPING - SUSPENSEFUL - I COULDN'T MOVE!' ... 'AVAILABLE ON DVD FOR $14.99.'" "A spoof of one of the banners Dan Gorgone uses for Crazymofo.com. That's a pic of Dan as Axl Madsumo in the movie 'Stubble Judge.' Yes, Dan sings in the movie ... sort of." "The actress you see as the Robot Ninja here is B-movie great Debbie Rochon. This is a joke that started on B-independent.com, a site that's seen by some as the main competition to REwind. It deals with B-movies instead of amateur movies. Well, JRR Bookwalter, Matt Walsh, Jason Santo, and of course Debbie Rochon, along with many others, came up with this joke title while discussing the best and worst movies they ever made. It's an amalgam of several B-movie titles. The title was good enough to spawn a long-running joke. I wrote a short script with that title and I'm sure somebody's already making the movie as I write this. Probably without Debbie, whose idea this largely was." "This is actually my reworking of a very similar banner [same slogan and picture] that Jay Bauman, aka the guy in the picture making out with the doll [Mooshoo from GMP Cinema's Blunt Justice] used on his Blanc Screen cinema website. Jay actually did this obscene doll tonguing for a movie of mine, Ghost Busted, that I shot up at the REwind fest in South Dakota. So, I thought I'd use a version of his banner on Fast Forward too. Besides, it's funny." "Another Blanc Screen Cinema banner I made. This is Jay Bauman as a guy in a Garfield costume in his movie 'The Trouble With Her Uterus.' It makes sense if you see the movie, really." All text by Garrett Gilchrist. This site is not endorsed by anyone seen on it. All pictures stolen from their respective owners. A work of respectful parody by Orange Cow Productions, 2001. We means no disrespect, yo.

ISSUE 1
Filmmakers Descend into Madness

ISSUE 2
Director/Webmaster Just Sitting on His Ass

ISSUE 3
How Are You Gentlemen !!

ISSUE 4
Smackdown Special

ISSUE 5
Ridley Scott Special

ISSUE 6
Acting Issue

ISSUE 7
Actors Demand to Know, "Whassup?"

ISSUE 8
Camp FastForward Special!



FastForward Radio
Episode 1
"I am on the radio"

Episode 2
"I am alone"

Episode 3
"The 15 Minute Interview"
(skip this one if you're not a REwinder)

Episode 4
"What the world needs now"

Episode 5
"Where the hell am I?"

Episode 6
"Don't do that in my room!"

Episode 7
"The Controversial Episode"

Episode 8
"The Arts and Crafts Show"

Episode 9
"I'm Confused and I Don't Smell Good"

Episode 10
"I am a Musical Genius"

Episode 11
Half-hour special! "Magical Mystical Adventure Through Time!"
   No, banners.
   You come here for
   banners, not
   headlines. Doof.

   Excaliburger trailer

Skeletor Needs Chicken To Survive
Respect Rick Moranis


   Stubble Judge: the album















speak your addled mind!




















































































































































With apologies to Jon Ashby, Wally Fong, Infiniti Productions, REwind video magazine, Rewindvideo.com, Chad Costen and the REwind kid, Random Foo Pictures, Hoopty Studios, Timberwolf Entertainment, and any other amateur groups mentioned/parodied here. We love you all, and I'm a sellout. This site created by Garrett Gilchrist and Orange Cow Productions, 2001.