Local Screenwriter Finally Finished a Screenplay. His Mom Loved it.
March 30, 2004 - cm
Pittsburgh, PA - After seven arduous years, local screenwriter Chad Edwards of the "Power of Myth Productions" has finally completed his first screenplay, titled - "Tomb of the Brave Souls."
"Tomb of the Brave Souls has the perfect three act structure." Chad proclaimed, "It’s a story about three American GIs' adventures during the Vietnam War. The first 30 pages are, what we in the screenwriting trade called, the "beginning." Three American soldiers capture a Nazi officer and discover a treasure map hidden in the officer’s ass. So of course, as any American would do at the time, they say, "fuck this war bullshit and for all I care Vietnam can rot in the Communist hell," and set out to find the Nazi gold clearly indicated by the ass map."
"So anyway, pages 30 - 90 are what we call "the middle." This is the part where we "explore the internal psychic landscape of the characters." The "middle" is full of intrigue and excitement as the three soldiers learn to trust each other, work together to find the gold, fight Nazis, evade American MP detection, and save a truckload of Rwanda refugees!"
"But get this, before you think you're watching the standard WWII treasure hunt movie, at the end of the second act, there is an awesome plot twist that will knock you on your ass! At around the page 90 an even bigger threat, a bigger goal is revealed – the Nazi tomb that the soldiers invaded are full of vampires and zombies! And as for the rest of the movie, from page 90 to 120, what we call "the end," it's a non-stop-edge-of-your-seat action sequence. The American soldiers finally learn to accept their responsibility and dedicate themselves to the true purpose of that important war – the total elimination of Nazi zombies and the liberation of the Jews.
"Chad's mother Wilma St. John-Edwards loved his script. She just couldn’t put it down, not ever when she went to the bathroom to shave her upper lip - which would have required a meticulous attention to detail, a well-developed muscular coordination and the use of both hands.
"My son Chaddy is the genius!" exclaimed Wilma. "I might never have worked in Hollywood, but I’ve read all of the "Desert Island" novels, the "Mailman as the Secret Agent" novels, the 87 Thomas Quinlan Romance Novels, everything with Fabio on the cover and 26 recipes! I tell ja, this is the best screenplay I've ever read. If Hollywood turn it down then they’re damn fools. Damn fools! And you know what happens to damns fools don't ja? They will suffer horrible self-inflicted burns from the gas stoves, they will fall off a three story balcony, they will land in the sewer, and their bodies will be consumed by rats and hungry sewer dwellers!"
Not everyone has his mother’s approval, but Chad certainly does. "Well it might not sound like much when your own mom likes your script. But my mom is one of the toughest critics I know. I feel pretty good having her endorsement on this project."
"I'm not saying that all sewer people are hungry cannibals." Wilma added, "Some of them chose to live in the sewer not because they were criminals or they had horrible scars on their face. They went down because the society has failed them and marginalized their race. They’re actually civilized, attractive, smell nice, and quite good in bed." Wilma declared, "And by bed I meant assorted old newspapers and cardboard boxes, dampened by the dark, erotic sewer humidity. Ooooo, just imagine the sensation as you lay down on the moist Sunday Times, the pungent scent of the mildew, expired ink, and sewage waste... It's the smell of ecstasy, PURE ECSTASY!"
Chad hopes that "Tomb of the Brave Souls" will become his calling card to Hollywood and fulfill his life-long dream of becoming a writer on the hit WB show "Charmed."
Chris Mundane Reporting
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